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Archive for July, 2010

Always on my mind…

D,

Why can’t I get you out of my head? I realize that I don’t really know you anymore… I don’t even know if I ever actually did. Somehow, though, I feel as though I do. I feel like I have always known you. I can’t stop thinking about you… wondering what you’re doing and if you really still think about me. Tell me how I’m supposed to let go… how I’m supposed to forget about you. I try so hard to immerse myself in my usual life, and trust me, it’s a busy one, but I keep finding myself imagining what life would be like with you, instead.

I realize I hold this ideal of you in my head. It isn’t the real you, but even when you told me about the things you have done, it didn’t shatter the way I see you. I guess, after being with L for so long, it’s easy for me to see how anyone can get to that point. The fact that you actually owned up to it, though, and realize your responsibility in it puts you ahead of most people. You really are an amazing person, whether you see it or not.

I know I’ve said a whole lot of nothing, but I have no other way to express these thoughts. They just keep going ’round in my head and I feel as though I’m going to go crazy if I don’t put them out there, somewhere. I know I shouldn’t, but I love you. Do I move forward with my life and tear myself apart trying to forget you, or do I continue thinking that one day, somehow, we’ll get our chance together? Either way, I’m hurting.

All my love,

Me

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